Most people think they get lucky if they get un dressed! -AD

Soon all will be revealed. Or Not. And many people don’t see eye to eye with Vader. And not just because he’s tall. -AD

We are “calling it a forgery” because it is. But I suppose your question is mine too. Why are you “the last one to know,” that it is a forgery? Because, if you take your role as seriously as you suggest, then shouldn’t you be the first to know? I’m not happy that you feel it’s unfair to advertise your sale of a fake without us going through the further effort and time to contact you and argue the point, possibly with nothing but a useless rebuttal. It takes enough time and resources to police the scams in the first place, even with the help of so many concerned fans. Might you, as a regular dealer, owe an obligation of due diligence to your clients who trust you on the good provenance of your sales? As for poking fun and smart remarks, perhaps bearing the sword of truth, you imply from membership of an association, is putting yourself on a pedestal at which snowballs might legitimately be aimed.
Your honest confession of your own 100% fault proves the worthlessness of such membership, at least as far as authentication standards go. I’m just showing my caring for innocent fans who might otherwise be duped by unscrupulous dealers, of which there seem to be so many. Look at the wide range of penmanship on the Darkside. It smears the whole fun of collecting as a hobby.
But I do believe that you are not someone who would deliberately cheat; though perhaps the sin of omission, in not checking the facts, is a sin of commission in thus perpetuating a lie. That said, I hope sincerely you wont be offended in keeping your name on the site, with a suitable – non smart – comment, to warn others who, like yourself, might be taken in by the cheats? Perhaps you could even join the team and expose the real wrongdoers. In which case, I would like to believe we could indeed go forward as “old friends.” -AD

I wrote the Wonder Column long time ago when the Insider was edited by the mighty Dan Madsen who has since gone from the moon of ewoks to deal with the world of orcs. (I’m not sure about either species myself.) Now the excellent www.starwars.com, edited by the brilliant and inventive Paul Ens, assisted by the equally astounding Pablo Hidalgo, is the place to find what most fans are looking for. Of course you can still read the back issues of the WC in the Writings pages of this site. Read and marvel. -AD

The rather good thing about writing something down is that it endures on its own. If I had to read my recollections aloud every time a fan tuned to the website I’d be as mad as a Rancor’s lunch box. As for the voice. A machine is a machine but as they get older and worn (rather like humans) the make different noises. Some of course are beyond discussion (you must ask Ja-Ja about those kinds) but others make sense, as bones or gears or vocal chords or sound emitting diaphragms get dried up and worn out. I decide that the young Threepio might legitimately sound a little brighter in pitch. We already know how he sounds in later years. And what’s this “your aging” thing? Just you watch your language! -AD

Does size still matter after the Princess’s cutting remark to the tousle-haired blond all those years ago? I am an honorary member of various platoons of the 501st and no one worries about my shape. But getting into my costume is something else. I think it’s in seventeen pieces but I can’t remember if I’m including myself. I shall check next time I have the pleasure, which looks like early 2005. Will it be the last? Anyway. Why would you ever consider going anywhere dressed as a protocol droid? Not the easiest costume to wear to a party and anyway (again) you’d need to ask Don Bies to go along to help. I always do. -AD

I am pleased and honoured by your support. Thank you. Is your friend Ibsen a Star Wars fan too? -AD

Perhaps the people you should really admire are the webdoc’s director, Tippy Buskin and her editor, Duncan Sinclair. They wove my words into a piece that seems to have touched the hearts of so many fans. Thank you for your thanks and thanks to all the others who thanked me. ( This is beginning to sound like an Oscar speech so I wont thank anyone else today.) But I am fond of Threepio. And I will treasure your last comment. Thank you. Damn! I said I wouldn’t do that! -AD

As you may have gathered from all the fluff that is surrounding Episode III, Threepio is, for the first time, completely gold from knee to foot. I believe this is in honour of the expensive carpets in Miss Padme’s bedroom and the rather elegant designs of her more public areas. I hope that remark isn’t open to misinterpretation. And now I come to think about it, in Ep II, her bedroom had the privacy of Penn Bus Station. Oh well. Actually, Threepio was always slightly embarrassed not to be perfectly formed so it’s a topic of conversation best not attempted. Artoo likes to talk about stuff like that. -AD

It is a slightly odd to think that I have done my last take as C-3PO in a Star Wars film. The fact that I did it alone, walking along a piece of blue carpet, talking to R2 who wasn’t there, was merely business as usual. I’d rehearsed, pulling along the studio vacuum cleaner for company!  But I’m glad you appreciate the webdoc It’s less gung-ho than the usual but that is perhaps no bad think. Sometimes the pace of SW related material can be rather intense. I’m happy to hear from a fan who doesn’t always want to hear the whirr of light sabres. It’s someone like you who makes the whole thing worthwhile for me. And don’t worry, I suspect Threepio may return in some guise or other before long but before that, EpIII. I hope you enjoy it. And it’s fine that it has all finished. It’s been a long time. Thank you for being there. -AD

Pardon? -AD

Well there’s always a lot of slaughtering to be done in Ep III if you really want to gain an All Areas Pass to the Dark Side. However Threepio has never looked so perfect, as he would happily admit, so someone does something right somewhere.
As for the time before the nuptials; have you any idea how long it took to get the arena sand out of Threepio’s parts (especially the ones that weren’t showing) – to say nothing of my own! Then there was the dress to order and the cake, the gift list and the invitations, booking the church and the priest, the photographer. Well I think you can imagine it was a very exhausting time for Threepio, since Mrs Amidala wasn’t around and he was basically the bride’s mother, which makes a kind of sense when it was his daddy who was saying ‘I do’. And Artoo, of course, was busy practising being a bridesmaid. He never did get it right. He and Threepio are still finding confetti in the strangest places. -AD

Sorry! No idea. I only watch the bits I’m in. Sometimes, of course, I’m in bits in bits. -AD

Kudos to you for being a huge Star Wars fan, who appreciates my efforts -AD

I was delighted that his performance clearly echoed many of the artistic nuances that so inflected my own. Orlando has clearly learned most of his craft from following my work and I think he may have a career as an actor of some kind. His interesting decision, in the role of Legolas, was not to play it as a brunette, as did I, but as a blond. I have never played a blond, even in a cartoon.
Now, of course, I play a grey. -AD

Under certain circumstances, the answer to, ‘Who am I?’ could be, ” You are Under Arrest!” Be careful. -AD

The cockpit was a hi-tech special simulator made of two scaffold poles and four strong stagehands. The poles passed under the set, which was constructed on raised base, and the four guys jumped up and down on them. It all looked very silly. Until you saw the movie. -AD

It deeply hurts me, not only to lose your respect – though quite why you should have that reaction, I’m not sure – but that fans are sold pieces of junk, like the one in question on The Darkside of this site. I assume that you have informed the person to whom, according to eBay, it appears you passed on this worthless autograph, in all innocence, that you now know it to be a fake and are happy – whilst not ecstatic – to return any monies they may have passed to you. In case you’ve forgotten, they are called Bertie Turn 2. Might I then suggest that you go, COA in hand, and demand the return of the sum you originally paid to the person who, in all innocence, sold the offending item to you in the first place. Please write and tell us what happens. I am sorry that you have been the victim of this crime and believe that you should not be offended by sharing your experience with others as a warning to them. -AD

p.s. I was rather surprised that you are still trying to pass on your expensive mistakes to unsuspecting fans some months after this correspondence. Never forget, you have a choice. It seems to me that you are still making the wrong one – possibly not something a “loyal fan” would do. No thanks.

You are not a fool and the Star Wars magic is far bigger than the cheap cheats will ever be. Respect for othersand indeed self respect isn’t strong in them, but the Force will be with you always – through the enduring magic that really isStar Wars. -AD

NOT own an Anthony Daniels autograph! If it were not for the rest of your letter I would have thought you were totally lacking in sense, taste and perception. However, reading on, I find that your judgment is outstanding. Thank you for your support -AD

I don’t know how you know that I don’t know but I think I know what you want to know though I don’t know if I really know. Now we’ve got that straight, wonderful and charismatic though Threepio may be, I always understood that it was Obi Wan whose presence the leather-fisted Lord so quickly recognised because, as you will eventually learn, he never knew hi uh uh uhh I uh can’t uhhh breathe uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh -AD

You are a gentleman and, as the say, a scholar (Not many would dare the word ‘erudite’ in public). The tone of your message implies that I must have returned your CD player – eventually. -AD

It doesn’t inconvenience me. It does make me sad that this sort of thing is so common. It certainly sounds as though you have been taken advantage of, and now unfortunately may have done the same thing to someone else, without realising it.
A long ime ago, fans collected autographs to possess a relic of a particular personality, as a symbol of their respect and pleasure in that entertainer’s work. Now, for the most part, it has become an industry, where a signature is merely a disembodied token, with as much intrinsic joy as a Monopoly money – to be collected without thought, just to make up the set. This industry has many, many honest and joyful participants. It is a shame that a selfish minority spoil what should be an innocent pleasure.
The FBI are diligently pursuing this form of white-collar crime, and in the UK, local council Trading Standards officials are regularly involved. They are the people you may wish to contact. And the police.
For legal reasons the seller’s name has been edited from your letter, but if it’s any comfort, I personally believe you and thank you for your involvement, though perhaps unintended, in my simple aim to protect the fans. Please let me know what happens. -AD

And also a little more diligent about the “collectors” you employ, I hope. Unfortunately you used the same 110% standard in your ebay terms and conditions and still managed to offer items that were 110% fake. So perhaps standards all round need revising? But I think it would be a terrific gesture of your obvious good faith, to contact your purchasers and give them refunds. Maybe you could encourage your fellow dealers to be more responsible as well. And maybe you and Jonflogit have learned a lesson. Clearly, the price of a genuine autograph is eternal vigilance. But it’s not just my autograph that is faked on ebay and beyond. From producers to ewoks, I regularly see forgeries of their signatures on posters, photos and merchandise, though with an ewok, it is hard to tell. -AD

So what’s your dad’s problem! Droids are for kids indeed! Pah! I say. I hope he at least appreciates the gift of having a son like you. A son who epitomises all that is thoughtful, sensitive, intuitive, intelligent, articulate and perceptive! You clearly take after your mother.
Your letter and your thanks touch me. Isn’t there something rather wonderful about amusing kids? I was given the role of C-3PO, never knowing how it would all turn out and how, from time to time, someone would understand what I was trying to do; understand and appreciate.
There are elements of the saga, and certainly of Threepio’s personality and finer qualities, that I will miss. But he will liveforever, in the ether that is video, cable, DVD and entertainment-brain-implants, that I’m sure are even now being inserted into blister packs for Christmas 2009. Whatever the medium, it is people, people like you that have kept the saga alive. So… Thank you. Thank you all.
Most of us have difficult times. I hope most of us have happy memories too. I’m glad to have provided the latter for you. And you’re right about good-byes. But I’m not saying good-bye. Not yet! -AD

I don’t know. -AD

I thought you were a man of taste and discernment until I got to the bit about the furnace. Moving swiftly on… personally I had a lot of fun on Droids, despite its rather problematic production qualities. I should point out that the Biituuns are in fact strangers to iambics thus rendering the Bard’s words into the poetic metre of a chain saw. But I am thrilled to say that, yes – as you probably now know – I do speak in the new Clone Wars since the producers are far from sinners: I would stop short of saying they were divine. I’ll see what we can do about alien linguistics – though I just got back from shopping at Tesco where the level of communication was clearly from another planet. -AD

No. They ran out of space – odd in a space movie, so perhaps they ran out of something else. Sad too, since it was a rare moment of insight in the entire saga into Threepio’s troubled personality. The missing scene went something like this…
Discovered alone in the Homestead garage by an insomniac Padme – concerned by the sudden departure of her fledglingly murderous boyfriend – she asked if Threepio was happy. He soulfully confirmed that he was not un happy, and that indeed everyone there was very kind and considerate. He only regretted that Master Annie had been made to leave so quickly – a mediclorean problem as far as I remember – and had no time to finish his handiwork as Maker and add the requisite coverings to his creation. It was very difficult to be like this. This? Enquired the feeling Padme. Naked! Replied the ashamed and sensitive droid. Naked! It simply wasn’t protocol!
For Threepio, existence is nothing without a proper structure of what is correct. Imagine the trauma of the intervening years as he wandered unclothed around the moisture vaporators in the liquid gaze of the nubile Beru. Protocol generally frowns on public nudity, even on the giant beach that is Tatooine.
Moved by this confession Padme’s eyes dropped – metaphorically- to the empty floor where she found at her feet, a box of covering. I never noticed, said the astounded droid, whilst admitting that he was not very technically minded, in a manor of speaking – possibly an admission of total blindness would have been more accurate – Gracefully bending to rummage in this newly noticed treasure chest, the sharp-eyed ex-queen found another chest and a face and more besides – good taste requiring that some things are left to the imagination. The scene ended with a fully clothed and ecstatic droid posing for Owen and his bride under the contented eye of the resourceful Padme.
We originally shot Threepio as a puppet (see Gallery 1 for proof). However, once the scenes had been cut and processed by ILM, to the point of perfection (especially the acting), Mr Lucas realised that this was not the moment to spend so long away from Anakin making sand-people-sushi. So we had to go back and fix all the previous scenes using the fully dressed, if rusty, droid. The inference is that it was Shmi who completed her son’s handiwork.
The moment never made it into the movie. And it never made it to the DVD. And I thought it was rather moving. Oh well. -AD

Not being a firm believer in mind reading, pyramid selling or telekinesis, rather than reading my thoughts, I suggest you read Wonder Column Number 4 in the Journalism pages. Read and wonder. -AD

It wasn’t Luke’s force. It was the special effects chap using his for the perilous job of steering me in my hanging basket along some overhead rails. I was using my force to hang on and hope the wires didn’t snap. As for your question, I’m rather surprised that you had to ask. -AD

Yes, I did write out his lines, since no one else had. And it got a bit lonely and frustrating talking to myself. Of course this activity bordered on the schizophrenic but who wouldn’t become strange wandering alone in a desert. Since sarcasm is held to be the lowest form of wit, it is natural that you would assume it would be the chosen mode of expression for R2. However it still requires some sort of basic wit in the first place. I do not believe that wit appears on the specification manifest of a thermo capsillary-dehousing assistor. In R2’s case, I am sure. If you only knew some of the expressions he comes out with!
By the way, are you a sequel or prequel? -AD

I think you’re strange. -AD

Thank you for your thanks but I should point out that Threepio and I are just good friends. -AD

It’s good to know that I haven’t alienated everyone in the galaxy, just those with a lot to lose by selling forgeries. Thanks for your support, which is mirrored by many who write to me at this site and goes a long way to counter the abuse thrown in my direction by disaffected traders. Of course it misses but I’m afraid I have to leave it to others to decide whether they’re interested in all the work it takes to “police” their signatures. Personally, I respect the fans enough to make the effort on their behalf. -AD

Even I can’t destroy the Darkside by myself. But with support like yours and others, who knows? So polish up that lightsaber and let’s go. BZZOOOOOOMMM WMMMMM ZZZUUU etc -AD

I’m so glad the shopkeeper stood by you, concerning AliKesh20. Congratulations on not taking the matter lying down – as they say. I’ve removed the other interesting comments you make since I cannot prove or therefore publish them. But your evidence gives great cause for concern and it is being pursued elsewhere. -AD

Yes you have! You must realise that, though George Lucas occasionally removes the camera from the seminal exploits of the two droids to watch what some of the other characters are up to, nevertheless the two machines continue to have a life of their own, well, perhaps existence of their own. For instance, the long flight involved in Ep II meant that once lunch had been served, the movie (Indiana Jones -XIV) finished and after a short nap, R2 passed the time by chattering to C-3PO. The latter having lead a rather sheltered life on Tatooine where, apart from the odd marauding Sandperson, the only potential danger was having his parts painfully sandblasted by the desert wind, was naturally astounded at the elaborate tales of heroism that R2 claims in his autobiographies. Since modesty is not a word in R2’s memory bank, the stories took on a rather dramatic quality featuring him in the lead role. This caused Threepio to take a couple of Anadin. He is now resting before the rigours of Ep III. -AD

So you too have survived the Tatooine Experience! Well done! No doubt the odd grain of sand is still lurking about your person and items of a personal nature. As you may read in one of the Titan pages on this site, I did indeed fall victim, and down, to and on the shifting sands of the desert. Stretches of it had the stability normally found in the dribbling grains of an egg timer. I would often be the first to try out a particular route, not so much as a kind of mine-clearing device for a chicken-hearted crew but because they didn’t want any human footprints to spoil the futuristic historic environment. One day the inevitable happened and the forces of gravity took me on a rather frightening trip. However, the suit wasn’t damaged at all. As for the rocks… we had to wait another 25 years and the different location of the Homestead interior at Matmata for me to make a rather more spectacular, quite scary and very expensive acquaintance with the planet’s surface. I may have recovered but Threepio will never be the same again. Oddly, the documentary crew, having filmed the first five takes, decided the sixth, final close-up of Threepio, did not need to be covered. Big mistake. It was the only real bit of drama to happen that day! -AD

Sotheby’s? (as it is actually spellt, on my planet at least). Wasn’t one of their (now ex) chief executives recently wearing an electronic tag due to a conviction for some questionable activities whilst in office with this august company? Birds of a feather? If this is indeed a quote, then it’s more ‘total rubbish’ from Signed By Stars! Sadly, I don’t find it entertaining at all, apart from there gramer and spellin. -AD

Nice idea, C-3POO7. But his life-style doesn’t present too many opportunities for libidinous activities. R2D2 can hardly be regarded as an object of desire – or am I missing something? -AD

Then we are both “emphatically disturbed“, as are the many correspondents to this site on the subject, who seem grateful that we are trying to stop them being ripped-off. Of course the fact that your name appears is purely because an item is or was for sale that is a forgery and you are the person selling it. These are simple facts. No implication of fraudulent motive is made. However, “…I am just a seller” seems to indicate that you felt no responsibility for the authenticity of what you sell, though I’m glad it appears that you may do so from now on. I’m sure your customers will be relieved. As for your last comment, any signature on which there is the slightest doubt is not posted. But, on the evidence to date, I hope you will forgive me for claiming to be a higher authority on my own autograph than you. -AD

Actually it was incredibly hot. We were there in the summer months this time around. Our first visit was in winter and it could be quite chilly. This time I learnt that it was a good idea to wear factor-50 sun cream whilst I sat around the set. But it would have been a better idea to take it off before I put on the suit. I cannot describe the blinding pain, unless of course I used words like blinding pain, to describe the blinding pain I experience as the factor-50 combined with the perspiration flooding down my face and into my eyes as I cooked away inside my very personal oven! On a more spiritual note, it was indeed strange to be standing on exactly the same piece of salt waste where I had first worn the suit some 26 years before. The charms of Tunisia are such that I had not felt the need to return in the interim but it was easy to remember my first visit and ponder on the years between and what they have meant for me. I pondered for quite a while. -AD

Yes and no. -AD

You have clearly not met the head of the math department at World O’Lucas, Rick McCullum. New suits cost money. This is not an option. So the suit I wear in AOTC is the same as in ROJ, artfully painted by Justin Dix from downtown Australia. I was able to sit up straight in the shot due to the length of time I spend in the gym, pursuing a six-pack (hopelessly!). It was also due to the length of timber wedged under my back and later removed by ILM that, with two helpers at the far end pressing down on a fulcrum between us, acted as a lever to help me up. It all worked rather well but the sand got into some interesting places. -AD

I acted both parts dressed as Threepio and it was ILM who moved the bits around. But at least I/he got to do something that I/he have/has wanted to do for years – wield a blaster! It had to be wired into my hands, as it was too cumbersome to hold with Threepio’s mitts on. Being a childish person I did actually make kapoww noises as I fired but I came out with a rather different line from the one you hear in the finished movie. We had to dub it or change it to an ‘X’ certificate! -AD

So many have written happily about CII and me: less happily about CII and the lines. But thanks to all who had fun and told me about it. Somewhere in a Wonder Column is the full story of how I have a tiny microphone inside Threepio’s face with a radio transmitter sending rather breathy speeches back to the radio receiver and tape deck, whilst I perform the scenes. Months later I return to a dubbing studio with Mr Lucas and spend hours mimicking my moments and performance, whilst giving the sound designers a squeaky clean (i.e. no squeaks from the costume marring the superb performance) performance. I do actually stand there as if I am wearing the costume. That’s how I match up the performance but it looks a little silly. Do I care? But on the set, guess where they stick the transmitter! -AD

I am sad to hear that you were taken in, Michael. Many people are. Perhaps the only consolation is this expensive warning that at least you are able to share with others. It will be interesting to find under what name these Sleazoids eventually resurface. As for “gold standards”, I only trust C-3PO. -AD

Lft. Faytonni is the whole reason for the car chase where Obi Wan and Anakin pursue the gorgeous Zam to the nightclub. That’s where Lft.F. hangs out with two rather lovely girls in a blue uniform (Lft.F. not the girls, who wear rather more revealing costumes). It is a pivotal moment in the script when Lft. F. turns to survey the damage done by O.W.’s light sabre. Please see the film again or go to the Photo Gallery on this site for a quick close-up. But, not top of your list? Oh well. -AD

Actually there are one or two which GWL allowed me to play with. Possibly the one I was referring to was me referring to Anakin being ‘The Maker’ and the fact that I knew he would ‘return’ one day; two concepts that the Great Ewok Inventor had created in the first place. There were others but modesty forbids. It is his movie after all. -AD

I do hope the warm spot has cleared up by now. But I too greatly enjoyed being at C II with all the thousands of fans that made it so worthwhile. Yes it was I putting my footprints in the cement on a very hot day in Hollywood. Later I came back as myself and added my name above Threepio’s. Do you know how difficult it is to write in cement, with thousands watching to see if you can spell your name? (See one of the Wonder Columns for details). I had rather less personal credit whilst shooting The Making Of Star Wars. It took a week for me to film with the odd break whilst they interviewed Carrie, Mark and Harrison. Obviously thinking I need the rest, they refused to include an interview with me as me. They didn’t want people to know that Threepio isn’t a real droid. Which of course he is! (You never know who reads this stuff). I will admit that it felt somewhat curious to be personally omitted from a documentary around a film in which I had, shall we say, a small but shining role. Oh well. Anyway, one of a kind of what? -AD

I assume you mean “dimensions” although my sanity has clearly been in question for some years. This is one of the more bizarre rumours I have heard, since I can give my bodily “dimensions”, and indeed my body, to whomever I wish. Unfortunately there hasn’t been too much take-up of the latter in recent times. What is known as my vital statistics are 5′ 8″ and 38, 29, 35. Do you think I should do aPlayboy centre-fold? -AD

Well, you are clearly a highly intelligent fan with excellent taste. C-3PO, See Threepio or Threepio (to his friends) are officially correct. The abbreviated, 3PO, is not acceptable in Lucasfilm material as the stylemasters can be really picky.The same goes for R2, though he has always been abbreviated, or rather, truncated.
C-3PO, See Threepio or Threepio but not 3PO, would be delighted at your question, as he is a stickler for the correct mode of address, indeed the correct mode of everything – except perhaps for apple pie. But in real life I personally have been known to slip in the odd 3PO or 2. Real life? -AD

Huh? -AD

Yes, it was I (see below and also WCs for comments re stunts). And thank you for appreciating the effort I sometimes have to make on the inside, to make suit look interesting on the outside. The real problem is that there is nowhere inside 3PO’s (oops!) chest for my chest to expand in order to keep my breath. This is especially difficult in scenes that require some sort of exertion. Similarly, the legs of the costume restrict any tensing of my calf muscles required, for instance to climb the rather steep ramp of the Falcon. But since that wondrous vessel was destroyed long ago on the back lot of Elstree Studios, that is not going to be a problem ever again. The real problem Threepio had on that day on Hoth, was that I had a slight hangover! -AD

I can speak French and fake the odd word in Italian and Spanish. Doesn’t everyone! “God dag” I believe is Swedish for “good morning”, although in Australian (in which I am almost fluent) “dag” means something entirely different, relating to the rear end of a sheep. One has to be so careful! -AD

When it came to your letter full of XVIII, I panicked. I have to admit that all this Roman numeral business gives me the shakes. Ever look at the end of a movie and see ©MXVII or MLIV etcetera (more Roman)? What does it all mean? Then we got Star WarsEpisode V. But did we ever get Episode T or U? No! So what’s it all about? But as to your question, remember… all that glisters is not gold. You have been warned! -AD

The problem with tats (as they are known amongst the tatted) is what? and where? And what do when you get bored with staring at an orange snake wittily disappearing somewhere unmentionable on your person. Or your tat causes jealousy since it indelibly refers to your ex. Together with piercings, I find the whole subject mildly disturbing and my body remains the inviolate temple it has always been. But I’m afraid my sense of irony has got the better of you. (I was joking.) -AD

I’ve just realised something quite spooky. If you take’Tatooine’, add an extra ‘t’ and a ‘g’ and take away the ‘e’, you end up with… aghh! (worthy of The X Files, or what!) I don’t know about Threepio but my memory card is rather fragile anyway, so there’ll be no problem in three years time. By then I probably won’t even remember what day it is. But whatever the case… Never tell me the odds! -AD

Weird -AD

As an ex Gooniste myself, I too bored my friends by calling them “Neddy” and singing… Ying Tang, Ying Tang, Ying Tang, Ying Tang, Ying Tang Didle I Po. Ying Tang, Ying Tang, Ying Tang, Ying Tang etc. Memorable! Like his dad, Andy too has remarkable talents . Though he doesn’t actually appear on screen, his physical performance is as hysterical as his vocal one. It’s so captivating that I watch every take he does. Outstanding. In fact he made Watto my favourite character in II and III. Don’t tell Ja Ja. -AD

Oh dear. Some confusion here. It’s actually “C-3PO”! But many people make that mistake. Also, you are far from the first person to ask me about Chris Parsons and his comments, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to shed light on the subject for you and for many others. To the best of my recollection, Chris Parsons was one of the large group of background artists who usefully dressed up in various costumes on ESB and ROJ. On some occasions in ROJ he was asked to be a stand-in for me; to stand on my marks whilst they lit the scene and I got dressed in the gold suit for the shot. Over the first three movies I enjoyed the assistance of Harriet and most particularly, Alan, as stand-ins, both of whom were also a great help and very much a part of my support team. As far as stunts go, the first fall was performed by Jo from the props department; the second by me and the third by Tracy. Stunt people are brave and talented people who should be respected for their particular skill. I believe that Chris Parsons wore the costume for the long shot of Threepio being carried towards the Ewok village. I remember this was a second unit shot filmed in the UK whilst I was filming with the main unit in America, in Yuma and in the redwoods, with lots of rather fresher Ewoks. Whilst the shot was very necessary and the use of second unit speeds up the production process, wearing a suit is possibly not quite the same as ‘playing a role’. To my knowledge this was the whole of Chris Parsons’ contribution as C-3PO on camera and he was never, as some people have been led to believe, involved as a stunt performer on my behalf. Nor did he act as personal assistant to me, as had Harriet, Maxi, Alan, John and Brian. Whereas he provided a very useful resource for the second unit and wore several different costumes, I’m sure that Chris Parsons’ comments regarding his involvement with C-3PO and myself have been hugely misinterpreted by fans, since I believe he would never have intended to deliberately and unprofessionally exaggerate his contribution to the filming process and take credit from those who actually did do the work. -AD

I always thought Artoo needed to see a professional. Indeed he tried but he kept rolling off the couch! But “…2 years…”? He hasn’t said a word to me in me for 26 years! You are merely experiencing a problem I have had to overcome in all the movies, where he pretty much is an empty shell. Just try doing all those scenes with him in your office and you’ll see what I went through. Only after Ben Burtt had worked his magic in post production did the shell come alive. But now I come to think of it – don’t you realize how lucky you are – a silent Artoo. As for a C-3PO endowed like Anthony Daniels – that is another subject altogether. -AD

You remind me of my stint on The Muppet Show and Pigs In Space. Here… Wigs in Space – allegedly! Well, two different departments involved here, obviously, run by Head of Pods and Head of Hair. Both unavailable for comment. Of course much of the podwork was done by computer. But whatever you thought of The-Man-With-The-Unimpeachable-Medicloreans, would you trust a computer to cut your hair? I think not. I leave the subject of your podwork to your own discretion.
Personally I find those little rat-tail things very suspicious anyway and certainly EMcG wasn’t sporting his when I joined him and his mum for a chat in my favourite restaurant a while ago. Mind you, when I was there a week later, the Maitre D’ asked me why I hadn’t talked to EMcG at the bar. Now without his beard, hair or indeed rat-tail, I had completely failed to recognise the all round good chap and great young Jedi (he didn’t have his light sabre either). Seems he’d had his head shaved (or taken off his wig) and was about to join the military but only in a film about the military, so nothing real there. However, Threepio looked real in Episode 1 because he isreal – always! And he certainly doesn’t wear a wig – ever! -AD

Oh dear! I only just came back from your fascinating country – well, Billund anyway, the bit that is Lego (I mean where they make Lego, as opposed to the bit of your country that is constructed out of brightly coloured plastic bricks). I had been invited to address the amazing team who design and market their superb toys. I had such a good time with them but was relieved that neither the Lego jet nor the Legloland Hotel were actually fashioned out of their product. Good though it is, I wouldn’t want to fly at 30,000 feet in it. But the real surprise was in the factory. It was full of robots. All sorts of shapes, sizes and functions. I really liked Mago 7. I think it was mutual since Mago 8 appeared to get a little jealous and hyperactive. But whatever they were, they all got on with their work quietly and efficiently. I’m thinking of sending R2 there for retraining. Or do I mean – training! -AD

Eh bien. It is almost true (see below). And since I am about to return to La Belle France, time will tell. Enfin – merci a vous! -AD

I am shocked that you suspect the press of sometimes making up the news. How could you! I believe everything I read (apart from the articles that say I fainted in the desert – because I didn’t).But in this case I think that the expenses of creating my suit for A New Hope actually put the cost in costume. Disney did spend huge sums but mainly on creating the amazing animatronics that made Threepio so lifelike. They did a superb job on the whole Star Toursride and I was thrilled to be a part of it. Especially since the animatronics had to wear the suit! -AD